it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize