My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
