If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
