is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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