I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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