Jerry, you need to find god
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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