Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
