I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
