I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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