Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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