I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
