Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
