i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
