they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
