They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
