i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
