Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
