Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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