does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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