I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
