like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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