everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
