All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
