thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I stole a fireplace last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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