She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
