Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
