Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
