pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
