I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
