At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
