don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
