I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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