Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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