I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
