if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
