Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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