You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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