I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
