It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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