I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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