Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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