singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
