If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
