I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
