i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
