1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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