Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
