I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
