This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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