We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
