Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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