After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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