were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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