I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
