A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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