At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
