just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
