im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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