Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
