It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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