I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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