shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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