Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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