Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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