I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
