Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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