Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
