He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He shit in the fireplace
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
